[Ran D. St. Clair]

Stupid is as Stupid Does…

So that night I am too wired to sleep, and finally when it’s time to go to work I am ready to crash, so I figure I will just be an hour late. True to my word, I’m up an hour later, lunch packed, and ready to drive to work…. in my car…. which isn’t there. What the? The street sure looks nice though, all freshly paved... Uh oh….

OK, so this next bit has nothing to do with truck conversions, but they say confession is good for the soul.

Yes, I got a notice from the city, but my car is never on the street during the day. It’s at work, with me, and my truck is in the driveway, so what do I care if they are going to pave the street? Except on this one day, the day they were going to deliver my toilet, but didn’t. They day my truck breaks down. The day I came home too late and tired to notice my car was missing. The day they towed my car.

So now I am looking for that damned notice, to find the phone number that stupid people call to admit that they are stupid. 7:30 am is still way to early for government types though, so I might as well have some breakfast. 8:00 is followed by 8:30, which comes before 9:00, when my friendly neighborhood government finally awakens to punish me. That will be $75 please, exact change only, at the local police station. I guess I am the only idiot awake at that hour because the place was empty. Sweeping balconies, stone fascia, and millions of dollars of empty space to house one lone bureaucrat. Some visionary architect should be very pleased.

That just gets me a piece of paper which gives me permission to buy my car back. $200 for towing and another $65 for overnight storage. It’s a good thing my sons bicycle still works. I should be able to pull the seat out eventually.

So off to work I go, and still no toilet. The shop calls and says it needs a new starter motor. Parts are hard to find they say, but they found one, $500 plus $200 labor. I think, Oh what the hell, just fix my truck and I’ll kiss you wherever you want. It should be fixed that same day. Well that’s the first good news in a while, so I’ll take it.

Five hours later, I give them a call, just before going over to get the truck.

Oh, you didn’t get my message? The new starter they gave us was bad. We can’t rebuild the original because they kept the core. Maybe Friday, or more likely Monday…

And still no toilet. Oh well, I don’t have a truck to take it home with anyway…

Come Thursday I call Incinolet and they give me a tracking number. A phone call to the shipping company is answered by a live human, and she actually knows something! The toilet was delivered on Tuesday and signed for by Jose Emanes (not his real name). So back to the receiving dock I go looking for Jose and my 260 pound toilet in a great big box on a wooden pallet, the one I have been asking about for 2 days now.

Oh, ju mean dat great big box. Si, I sign.

They delivered it to the shipping dock. And still I have no truck to take it home with.

Monday at 4:30 comes around and I figure no phone call means no truck for another day, but I call the repair shop just in case.

I don’t know, let me go check, he says.

That can’t be a good sign. Then he comes on the line and says it’s ready. That’s $492 for a rebuilt starter, and $115 in labor for a total of $652 with tax. Hey, it’s less than the $700 I expected, so I’m feeling pretty good.

So what have I learned from all this?

1. Tow truck dispatchers don’t know a truck from a Denver omelet.
2. I now know exactly where to attach in order to safely tow my truck rear wheels up. I can use that information to safely route wiring and propane lines.
3. I need a much better roadside service contract. AAA, or at least my level of service with AAA is nearly useless. (Suggestions please???)
4. I need to build a modest tool kit for the truck. I would have done so anyway, before hitting the road in earnest, but it seems I need one even now.

To be Continued…